Monday, May 14, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
I just watched The Avengers and apart from being generally lacking in flavor that disturbs or quickens the thinkbone there was one spot that did it to me, and I'm still kindof reeling. Loki is in his chamber, the Hulk-killing chamber or what have you, and he's talking to the Black Widow about her relationship with Hawkeye and he says 'Love is for children.' which normally coming from a villain one wants to just write off, but not here and Whedon does this to me like every time. The Black Widow is a hardened spy who can probably get behind his sentiment even if she doesn't believe in it and that's what makes it so insidious - that she probably does have that little doubt in her mind and that Loki knows it, being as wise as he is in his fashion, and it sortof strange loops into a very backbreaking statement. The entire rest of the movie I'm enjoying explosions but the thought is festering in my mind 'Love is for children.' and I am a very logical being and give shrift to just about everything so I am thinking what if so, and moreover what do with a life dedicated to love even if it at times lacks love interests. I give shrift to literally everything, by the way, as an aside. When you've had your temples talk to you, the idea that the guy down the street has bird feet isn't likely, but you're prone to go 'maybe bird feet'. It just comes with the territory. I have a feeling I'm not getting at how internally tossed about I am by this fairly silly statement from a comic book movie but it has really effed me up, like I've been thinking about it all day. I wonder if my friends have seen it and felt the depth of the statement made in the way it was made and I wonder if it's just me and the quirky way I see things that has me even giving the idea any space to fester but I have not given in to the statement and I really want to know where it goes if I do. I literally don't want anything else except for toys the imagination throws at me like rocketships and what have you, but for the real - nothing. So if love is for children I'm like not really long for this world, as the saying goes. I will probably start to fade away at the feet until it's just my eyeballs and then I'll blink and be gone. Seriously, very effed up. I want to note that it's not a comical 'he's crazy, he can have silly feelings' effed up, either, which I often imagine people thinking about what I write or the way I act. The latter especially. I am still real, motherfucker.
I have a gang of ants that shares the desk this laptop sits on..or they're not really a gang, more like a motley line of would-be soldiers who aren't soldiering well enough because there aren't enough of them to form a battalion. The other day I had a serious outbreak of hallucinations, the kind like where I want to be in a hospital so I don't mistake someone for a balloon and stab them or something, and in the morning I told my roommates it must have been the ant venom that made me freak out so something hardcore. Ant venom! These must be fearsome creatures indeed. We've coexisted peacefully since they venomed me into a series of hallucinations followed by delusions but for a time I wanted to eradicate their very tiny black persons.
I fucking hate facebook. There's nothing worse than living an existentially unforgiving life, like I have been one with the Arizona sun in my suit-jacket and shorts using Iceman on the door locks to gain entrance to buildings, and then seeing existentially forgiving-looking shit from fucking everyone who coughs on the entire planet. "Haz babby, said first mama.' 'Finished school brain bonus plus ten.' I don't really bemoan the makers of these comments as much as these comments themselves. Like I guess they're writing what they think people want to hear about them, but they're missing the fact that people want the juicy, inside-candy and to love them, the pretty ones at least, which how can they do without the candy? If they're children at least. No but so I don't know. I can't handle this crack you are all addicted to. I want to KNOW other people.
I have a gang of ants that shares the desk this laptop sits on..or they're not really a gang, more like a motley line of would-be soldiers who aren't soldiering well enough because there aren't enough of them to form a battalion. The other day I had a serious outbreak of hallucinations, the kind like where I want to be in a hospital so I don't mistake someone for a balloon and stab them or something, and in the morning I told my roommates it must have been the ant venom that made me freak out so something hardcore. Ant venom! These must be fearsome creatures indeed. We've coexisted peacefully since they venomed me into a series of hallucinations followed by delusions but for a time I wanted to eradicate their very tiny black persons.
I fucking hate facebook. There's nothing worse than living an existentially unforgiving life, like I have been one with the Arizona sun in my suit-jacket and shorts using Iceman on the door locks to gain entrance to buildings, and then seeing existentially forgiving-looking shit from fucking everyone who coughs on the entire planet. "Haz babby, said first mama.' 'Finished school brain bonus plus ten.' I don't really bemoan the makers of these comments as much as these comments themselves. Like I guess they're writing what they think people want to hear about them, but they're missing the fact that people want the juicy, inside-candy and to love them, the pretty ones at least, which how can they do without the candy? If they're children at least. No but so I don't know. I can't handle this crack you are all addicted to. I want to KNOW other people.
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