Where is my manners face. There's a very good chance that if you're reading my blog you know who Ben Woodard is, but you might not know that he writes at naughtthought.wordpress.com, so check him out over there. Sort of a reverse plugdiloop.

I think it's funny having to begin all of your vampire fantasies with the dark entity coming from the window or bursting through the door and then making you run on a treadmill for two months before consigning you to eternal beauty. In these fantasies I often get abs, because if it's going to be eternal....Anyways I am aware of the traffic from Woodard's site and I must say I enjoy a good friendly plug, thanks Ben. If anything readers from that realm will get to know a friend he's had since the early stages and contemplate how that took part in making him who he is. If you find yourself coming back here and want to be made aware of when I've made a new post you can always add me on Facebook at joshua.mccord.39, which I use primarily to tell people when I've made new posts and post pictures of myself being adorable. A good way to make today's post flow is the fact that Ben talked about my troubles with schizophrenia, and a new batch are popping up. I pretty much constantly hallucinate and have grown used to it, but on occasion these hallucinations escalate to the serious variety and I start the inner screaming and well long story short I've been getting a lot of that recently which means the medication I'm on isn't working anymore. This has happened to me with every medication I've taken, bar none, and another part of hallucinating seriously is remembering what it was like to be without medication and the rather horrifying world that becomes. So I'm staring down the barrel of incoherence and I don't have much to do for it. Hopefully there's a new medication every time I need a new medication, which I suppose is plausible. Regardless, I'm going to be checking into the hospital soon, and probably need a push or something because I'm holding off to 'continue my diet so I don't get fatter in there' and to 'send that package for a friend' which are both very important to be sure but freaking out every night is not how you're supposed to be on medication. Soon I'm wandering around town writing people into my book nightmare and trying very hard to shoot fireballs.

I got over all of my facebook crushes and am having a sort of holiday today. I think it occurred mostly from the negative reinforcement incurred by wanting desperately some conversation and then receiving none. You could ask why I didn't strike out and try to reel somebody in, but I don't feel that's a man's place in the world anymore. Things change and turn and I feel very uncomfortable playing that role. No really, you can't expect it of everyone. But regardless, a holiday. I might have vodka and tea. I haven't updated this in a while because I was a little discouraged at getting very few views on my vlogs, but I mostly just wanted my facebook crushes to see me smiling, so....you know, a new era has dawned. I still don't know if I'll make too many more of those but we'll see. If there's occasion to put something out there that doesn't need to be seen, perhaps. As I said in an earlier post I've returned to being vegan and I've lost some weight so when I lose all of it and am a mote I'm going to give myself a punk rock haircut, for a similar reason I'm having this vodka and tea holiday. Or I might just keep my hair the same but regardless it's going well. I got my disability hearing postponed so that I might pick up some representation which is a nice piece of fortune going my way. I still don't know if I'll actually get it, or if I can actually bear staying inside all the time and doing absolutely nothing, but perhaps I'll like it in a new city or find something to get me outside of the house more regularly than once a week, which is about my quota now. I just almost fell out of my chair. Well goodnight.