I was reading over a very old post of my brothers' in his blog and he wrote about the concept of wanting to be great at either lots of things or one thing supergreat....essentially. So I want the latter, because I want to wrangle the fuck out of this life but I can't figure out what I want to do and that's been plaguing me since I started thinking about career paths. And this doesn't even have to be a career, mind, just a something. But here, let's examine: I act. Yeah it sounds cheesy but I LARP and play RPGs and while it's nothing like theatre acting or television/movie acting it's still something like them, right? I play characters, I get into character, I change my voice and personality and etc etc which so I'm acting, to some extent. Could I do THAT? I think no, because schizophrenia. I think I can tell you why if you just sound up the Entertainment Tonight theme song. I write. I write here. I've written poems, plays. Nothing has ever gone anywhere but that doesn't mean it's bad, necessarily, or that I wont be able to write something that brings me over that hump into doing that thing amazingly. Disclaimer: I'm not going to say because schizophrenia at everything. But writing - awkward because schizophrenia. I have a difficult time seeing into the mind of your average Joe because mine is so flip turned upside down. I think I can DO it, I just think it needs a ton of work, and I think if I ever write anything ultra-fantastic it'll be odd and accessible only to a minority. Also, the thing with writing is I never really asked for The Darkness, it was just kinda foisted upon me. I did it a lot so I know some ins and outs but still: foist. The scholarly path, bless my friends who be upon it, doesn't really interest me. Philosophy to an extent; I'd love to be wearing Woodard's shoes, but I can't get up there at all. Because schizophrenia. No but in all seriousness I have problems with classes like you wouldn't believe. I used to chew through those monsters in high school and a bit of college but once the shit started setting in my aptitude melted. Not that I can't take a standardized test, or write an essay. I just can't bear a class. Note while reading that if you have any ideas on any of this please be forward with them. Internet classes? I don't know. I haven't explored it but I've basically mined my student loan potential so I don't know how I'd do it. Potentially schizophrenia scholarship? Seriously play the drinking game. The schizophrenia pays off: two shots. So where this leads is potentially to a similar place as Woodard, with publications and exhibitions and the whole nine yards and by the way congratulations my friend you are putting a dent in it. I could dig doing something similar. Other paths are a little sad and I feel unworthy of my time, if fun and interesting. Those being Magic: The Gathering and League of Legends. I do both a bit mediocre as far as the competitive bar is concerned and the only way to make it is to grind your way there which is less of a journey and more of a bite cheese, receive shock, move on type of thing. I have a feeling I'm going to get this all hashed out with my brother, or perhaps my friends, and maybe something will come of it. Probably something will come of it. Stay tchuned.